Downheregirl89's Blog

{December 10, 2012}   Good Bye 2012

Thank gosh 2012 is almost over! This year has brought more tears than laughter.

In the past week my birthday was the high point. Two days after I celebrated my 23rd birthday with my mom and some friends, I received a call from the lady that I had been working for since I moved here in June. She stated that due to some situations that have come up in her life that she could no longer afford to employ me, so I lost my job. This is really hard on me because I no longer live at home and have bills that are due. The trouble that I have with finding a replacement job is the same as always, I’m either over qualified because I’ve had some college education but no degree, or I’m under qualified for the same reason.  Since then I’ve had a cop from my home town looking for me for a fellow cop in central FL. I called them back and they were looking for me to see if I had any info on a possible case that they want to connect my big brother to that happened in 1976 (I wasn’t conceived until 13 years later, so I don’t have info for them and if I did it would be hearsay which is inadmissible in court of law). So my mother’s hope that maybe my dad left me trust fund has been dashed. The people who I have my car loan through apparently didn’t get the memo that I moved and had transferred my insurance, so they called mom last week to ask why she had canceled the FL insurance back in Aug/Sept (why they waited so long I have no idea), and to tell mom that they needed proof of my insurance by tomorrow, and they called her on a Friday. I’ve been sick with a cold this past week as well.

Back in July my favorite band announced that they would no long be together and be doing ministry on the road as a band. This is the same band who 10 years ago God used to open my heart to know that not only did God love me but that I was loveable to others. As much as it breaks my heart now to hear my brothers on the radio or on cd now, I know that they feel that God is calling them to other things at this season in their lives. I was blessed to see my brothers twice this year, and many many times over the past 10 years. I’ve met so many amazing friends and have even more siblings now because of my band.

The move this past June was hard. This is the first time that I’ve lived on my own, and have had to stand by myself. I don’t have to worry about waking my mom up if I get back from a trip somewhere at 2 am, I don’t have to hold myself accountable to anyone but God. I have to cook and clean and be the adult that I was raised to be. That does not mean that my family no long has my back it just means that I have to let go of my pride in asking for help if I need it.

So it will be with great relief to see 2012 to pass into the annals of history. While it started out great it, it leaves with unhappiness. It has left a legacy of growth and of growing pains. It has taught me the true meaning of sacrifice and faith; It has shown me who I can count on and how to be counted on . So “Dos V Don ya” (russian for good-bye) 2012


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