Downheregirl89's Blog

{July 7, 2010}   hardest life lesson

15 years ago today, i lost the most important thing in a young girls life….my father. my father suffered a heart attack and was pronounced DOA (Dead On Arrival). he had promised to see the 4th of July fireworks w/ me that year but never showed. in a sense it’s better that I was only 5 at the time of his death because I was able to grasp some but not all of what had transpired. it was today that my mother learned that my father had remarried his ex-wife. it is however difficult to lose a parent at so tender an age because by being my mothers only child I had to grow up in a matter of weeks, mom had to work to pay the bills so I learned early on how to kinda cook, I also learned how to stay at the house by myself for hours at a time. I also learned to avoid public places during father’s day because I was the odd child out, my church held a “father’s day sunday” in our children’s’ church and the fathers came to listen to the “sermon” w/ their kids and played the games that were done…I listened and played by myself, no-one wanted an “extra kid”.

it took many years before God saw fit to answer my prayers for my daddy, but he did not answer in the manner that I specifically wanted. he provided two men in particular at my church while I was in middle and high school, a time in life in which I truly need a father figure. the men could not have been more different in my mind. they were/are both in the military. one was my youth minister of the time (jeff childers) the other was the college/ career sunday school teacher ( jack springer).

mr. jeff was more of a disciplinarian, the one who often held me to ( what I consider to be) a higher standard. he would make me stick to a dress code that I saw others in my youth group disregarded, when I voice my thoughts once I was told that the situation was not the same, I still disagree, but it is because of mr. jeff that I think I started to become a perfectionist.

mr. jack on the other hand was the father figure that I often prefered, because of his ability to not judge me like others often would. he took the time to talk to me and to honestly get to know me. he occasionally gave me advice, and helped w/ homework. I remember my sophomore year of high school my rotc unit was getting ready for our annual inspection by the area commander, and I was constantly getting marked off for my lack of “shoe shine” so during church one wedsday night mr. jack spent some time teaching me how to do a bit better on my shoe shining skills, about 6 months after mr.jack was transferred to a different military base I learned the secret to the perfect shoe shine…. saddle soap ( soap made for leather products followed by kiwi polish).

though I did lose my biological father and the death, day and lessons I learned from my father’s death stays with me to this day, I also learned that God has his own time frame and that it is through suffering that a person learns what it truly means to have faith in God. my God gave me not 1 but 3 daddies. which is a blessing not many girls get. though I wonder to this day if my biological father truly loved me in those 5 years 7 months  and 5 days, and I wonder about his salvation at the time of his death, I know that my God has a plan to prosper me not to harm me. a God that is big enough and loving enough to allow me to question him and then answer my questions in his own time. I will never happily look forward to July 7th, nor will I ever forget my daddies.


Scott says:

My prayers (as are all of ours I know) are with you today, I know it is a hard day for you. I am so glad that you have been able to look back at the blessings and ways God has used the terrible tragedy of his loss for His glory and to introduce you to the wonderful men and role models that you’ve talked about here, and that you are able to view it as such. I know it must be such an encouragement to you to have them there for you.

Emily says:

I honestly can’t imagine losing my dad, especially that early in my life. I know that’s hard. But I also know that God is our provider, and he seems to have provided some strong men for you to look up to. Never forget that He will give you all you need.

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