Downheregirl89's Blog

{November 12, 2009}   reasons for my choice

my favorite song by MercyMe goes like this ” I can count a million times, People asking me how I can praise you with all that i’ve gone through. The question just amazes me, can circumstances possibly change who I forever am in you. Maybe since my life was changed, Long before these rainy days. It’s never really ever crossed my mind. To turn my back on on you,oh Lord. My only shelter from the storm.But instead I draw closer though these times so I pray… Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that you glory…..”

as i reflect on this past weekend at the 5th annual Barbizon Competion, one event sticks out in my mind. it was when i was getting my hair and make-up done, the styles the other girls and myself somehow ended up on the topic of prematial sex. i voiced that i intended to save myself for marriage, and got a few questions. i was able to share some of my reasons but not all so, here are the reasons i’m waiting.

1.) i am living proof of what happens outside of marital sex. my father had an affair with my mother for 15 yrs PRIOR to my birth, plus the additional 5 of which i was alive. my father died of an heartattack when i was 5yrs 6 mos and 5 days old. after my father was burried my fathers side of the family cut off all contact with. they all have their various reasons. and my mothers side of the family can’t help but see what my father did to my mother, so i have felt some anger on their part however unintetional. each side blames the other and i know that the truth lies somewhere in the middle. at 18 i choose to contact my oldest known brother in prision in s.fl, gary led me to his mother, who led me to my sister, who led me to my other brother. of all my sibling i feel closest to gary, which is somewhat sad considering he’s in prision. my other brother and sister don’t really talk to me all that much, neither do my nephew or niece.

2.) i want my husband to pay the full price. most sane guys would not pay $354,000.00 dollars (which is the cost of a new) for a lamborghini that has bents in it, and the paints scratched, and it has a engine that needs repair. by having sex with guys other than my future husband i lower my value, i become damage goods. my body is not perfect. most guys i know want that brand new 2010 lamborghini that’s fresh off the factory convaror belt if they are going to pay that $354,000.00 dollars.

3.) i don’t want to be weighed down. just this past monday morning i welcomed my goddaughter into the world. her mother has an 18 mo old son (my godson) and now she has an 3 day old daughter, the kids are half siblings, they do not have the same father. my friend will not turn 20 until May, so here is the beautiful 19 and 1/2 yr old woman with 2 kids from seperate dad’s that will have to live off of the government because she has no job, no husband, no high school dipoloma, and no life to offer. the dad’s refuse to pay child support and mom refuses to file for it, they all live with granny and granny works 3 minimum paying jobs to feed them all.

that’s not the kinda of life i want for my self or my children. i want to make a difference and change my world for the better which i can not do by having premarital sex.i sincerly hope that my future husband whoever he may be is saving himself for me. i hope he loves me enough to wait for me. i pray for him every night. that God will give him strenth and wisdom, and guidance.

My life’s theame song is by my favorite band Downhere, it’s called “Not about wings”. the song is as follows.

“Wake dove, stretch your feathers. Worry not love how far you could fall. Fly now, darling find how; A broken wing can be the best to soar. It’s not the perch you’ve climbed to reach, but the broken wing that’s made you meek; that’s when he lifts you high. *chorus* Beliving is not about seeing, Faith is not about reaching, and on this journey I keep learning, Flying is not, flying is not, flying is not about wings. * chorus* Sparrow trapped by the window, every resouce spent for just one goal. It’s not by work you find your escape, but in your defeat when you seek his face; that’s when he lifts you high….* repeat chorus 3xs* ” 



Emily says:

Well said, Kate. Not About Wings is one of my favorites. 🙂

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